Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Fake it 'til you make it, girl!

The absolute WORST advice to give to a newly wed...
The absolute BEST advice to give to someone who is unhappy.

Have you ever been a receptionist?
Job Title: Receptionist
Duties: Plastering a big fake smile on your face for everyone even when you feel like the world's biggest load of trash.

No exaggeration.

Although I hope tomorrow is my last day as a receptionist for the rest of my life, I learned SO MUCH about finding happiness while I was sending my cheese via smile to all those that walked in our door.

Honesty: I was probably still a pretty terrible receptionist. I was mildly depressed the whole time, and severely depressed sometimes, and I'm not really the best at putting on a fake smile. Some days, I had to just go home from work and crawl into bed because faking a smile was too exhausting for me to handle.

The kicker? I always tried. Sometimes I was great at it. Sometimes I'd not just PLASTER that fake smile, but like Krazy Glue it. It was NOT coming down. Those were always the days that I felt the best. About myself, about life, and most importantly, those are the days I felt the spirit in my life. Those were the days I could look in the mirror and see a glimmer of what other people and the Lord saw in me. I saw strength, courage, fight, and beauty. My fake smile would never last more than an hour or two because a real one would always replace it.

Ether 12:27, "And if men come unto me, I will show them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."

I have weaknesses. MANY of them. I'm entirely flawed, but I'm learning to accept it.

If someone would have told me 6 months ago that I would be alive and happy today, I'd have called them crazy. I was faced with challenges before, but I was sure my most recent one would be the death of me. At night, the pain could have killed me and I would have accepted it,willingly.

Somehow, after many fake smiles and lies about how great I feel and how strong I am, I'm alive. I'm happy. I'm excited about what my future holds, and I'm confident in myself. This is the first time in my short 22 years that I've been able to place all 4 of those statements in the same sentence honestly. Sometimes my past is still painful. It hurts to think someone can hurt me and not think twice, but in the same pain, I've found my strength. I've humbled myself, gotten to my knees, and begged for help.

I'm pleased to report; He lives. His sacrifice is here to save us all if we let it and He's reaching out to us all the time if we just have the faith to see it.

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