Sunday, August 28, 2011

Speaking of...

I know I just quoted this in my last post, but ironically enough it really hit home today.
"If we could see ourselves the way the Lord sees us, we would rise up and never look back."
For a while this has been one of my favorite conference quotes. I don't remember who said it, but when I heard it it just stuck with me. I always thought I entirely understood it.

As I sat in church today, I really felt the spirit and I instantly knew that I wasn't living up to my potential.

I had no clue what that quote really meant until today. It isn't that we would be able to resist tempation, the real meaning is that when we see what the Lord sees in us, we'll be able to see our full potential. We will understand exactly what is stopping us from knowing true happiness and we will not only be able to resist temptation, but we won't WANT to sin anymore.

SO! Here's my resolve for today. It's simple, but powerful.
I have seen my potential and I know that through the atonement and the principles of the Gospel I can find true happiness and I can reach my potential. I can be what the Lord expects me to be. And I'm going to.

The best part? I don't need a man to get there.

what's a girl gotta do around here to get a stinkin' mani/pedi?!?!

Oh, Rexburg. How thee hast failed me.

Rules to Owning a Nail Salon:
1: Be open on Saturdays. [I've got nothing... except, DUH!!!!!]
2: If the name of your salon in fact includes the words, "nail salon" in it in any place, I suggest you provide that service. [Mystique Hair and Nail Salon apparently only does hair... imagine that.]

Maybe we're spoiled in Phoenix, but I THINK those are pretty basic rules, right?

In addition to Nail Salons not in violation, here's a list of things I miss about Arizona.

-Family. My little nephew is going to be born and I won't be there to see him! :( I'm a little heartbroken over that  one.
-Pizza. Kayla makes me actually diet here... lean meats, steamed vegetables, no carbs... Heidi and I would start a diet on Monday and by Friday, we were making plans to order a pizza and watch He's Just Not That Into You.Which brings me to...
-Heidi. Enough said.
-Sephora. Sephora. Sephora. Make-Up For Ever.
-Target. Who wants to drive 35 minutes just to get to a Target?!?!? SO UNCALLED FOR!

That's it for now. As time goes on, I'm sure that list is going to grow exponentially.

Things that make me REALLLLY happy:
~An additional 40% off at the register you weren't expecting. Like my new earrings??

~Moving forward, meeting new people, trying new things, finding new friends.Tomorrow's my first day at a singles ward up here and I'm staying positive!
~Waking up one day and realizing that you never thought you'd make it here, but you did.
~Seeing your worth in the Lord's eyes and deciding to never let your lack of self-confidence hinder your life anymore.

"If we could see ourselves the way the Lord sees us, we would rise up and never look back."

Friday, August 26, 2011

second time's a charm

Guess what?!?!?!
The best part about a divorce is getting to plan a second wedding. My parent's bank account probably disagrees, but that's a whole other battle.

To this day, I still only have two (three if you count the groom) regrets about my wedding reception.

1- The length of my dress. I think that my wedding was the only occasion I was going to be allowed even expected to wear a floor length dress, and I still went short. Although, I think I'm starting to think I might go short on the next one too...  Maybe because I think about this dress like it's my junior high crush:

Don't worry, I'm starting my pre-wedding diet now, and I haven't even found a groom. PLENTY of time.

2- The length of my reception. I really didn't feel like I had a chance to make my rounds! I had people tell me that I looked pretty or that the reception was awesome and I'm thinking, "Wait... you were there? I didn't see you..."

Other than that, I'm certain that my wedding was as perfect as I could have imagined it to be.

I know what you're all thinking... "Why is she planning a wedding that she isn't going to have for a while?"

Here's the answer: Because it makes me happy. :) Weddings, marriages, families, LOVE is just everything that we have to live for in this psycho world, so why not cling to it for dear life.

Marriage... Marriage is a funny thing. It's like an awesome mistake. I think everyone goes into marriage 100% unprepared for what it's really like. You can read all the books, date as long as you want, practice living together, and think you've covered all your bases... but until you say those silly little words, "I do," there's just no telling what you're up for!
For instance, you can remember to talk about kids; how many, names, how you want to raise them, what religion(if any) you'll raise them with, what to do when the first one comes to you at 10 years old wanting to know where babies come from... but you'll forget to talk about what you're going to do when your 16 year old wants to go to a party and you want to trust her, but you're terrified of the reality that she's only human and will suffer the same temptation that we all do.
You can remember to talk about money; budgets, where to put your savings, who's going to pay the bills... but you'll forget to talk about what you're going to do with the extra $600 dollars you have when you want to save it, and he really wants a new set of rims for his car.
All the while you'll be thinking to yourself, "What in blazes did I get myself into?"
Now to the awesome part of the mistake: Even though it's absolutely and totally insane, it's wonderfully beautiful. There is nothing more precious and sacred in this world than seeing a man and woman wholly and undyingly professing their love for each other... and meaning it.

I've learned SO MANY lessons, warranted or not, over the last year. Life lessons, love lessons, gospel lessons. Here's a few that stick out:

God is crazy. You may think you have him alllll figured out, but you don't. I remember receiving a pretty clear answer on the subject of my first marriage, and to this day I don't entirely understand it. I never looked back because I knew that Ben and I were going to create a loving, happy, LDS family. I stand by my decision to marry him and I always will. There are lesson's to be learned from this experience for both myself and Ben. I can only hope that we learn them the first time around so that we don't have to cause ourselves or other's any more pain than is necessary.

Free agency still applies. My wise, beautiful, and talented best friend Heidi taught me this lesson this week. Ben and I held each other's hands and promised to love each other no matter what and to take care of one another and to hold true to our promises. He chose not to. As much as a marriage is a sacred thing and divorce should be an absolute last resort, the great and unfortunate thing is that we still have free agency. And he exercised his right to make the choice to leave the marriage. It's not my fault, I couldn't have been better, I couldn't have made him stay if I did the dishes more often or ironed his shirts everyday for work. It was his choice, but also his right to make that choice. (Freaking hard to come to terms with that one.)

Never take love for granted. I don't just mean spousal love, although that's great too. I'm talking about all kinds of love.
I LOVE my steve madden shoes.
I LOVE how skinny my pencil skirt makes me feel.
I LOVE my mom.
I LOVE my best friends.
I LOVE the smell of coffee.
I LOVE babies.
I LOVE harry potter.
I LOVE to sing and dance when i'm alone.
In the face of great trials, don't forget the things that make you smile. And definitely don't take them for granted. Appreciate the heck out of them, because when scary things happen and there isn't anything in the world that could make you get out of bed... maybe your shoes will because they just make your feet look so sexy! :) And maybe, the only reason you get out of bed is because that stupid Yellow Card song you used to sing in high school came on your iPod and you literally couldn't stop yourself from dancing along while singing at the top of your lungs. Those are the things that will get you through those seriously tough days.

Love is painful, but if you're brave enough to fight for it even when it's let you down, I think that's when you see what a remarkable thing it is.

Welp, now that you've all got your Oprah in for the day, Go join Pinterest!!! and then find me and follow me so I can follow you back. :) I'm seriously obsessed and I stay up until like midnight ravaging through awesome pins. (i heart DIY's.)

Monday, August 22, 2011

Dear Yahoo...

I've never heard anyone say, "Let's Yahoo it!"
Just sayin'


Speaking of Google... Kayla told me I couldn't google "How to eat a mango."
Boy, was she wrong! In fact, when I typed in "how to eat..." the very first suggestion it gave me was mango. :)

For the record, his way is WAY better than mine.

"Hit the books, they don't hit back. Mess with the bull, get the horns.. and any other cliches you can think of."

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Fake it 'til you make it, girl!

The absolute WORST advice to give to a newly wed...
The absolute BEST advice to give to someone who is unhappy.

Have you ever been a receptionist?
Job Title: Receptionist
Duties: Plastering a big fake smile on your face for everyone even when you feel like the world's biggest load of trash.

No exaggeration.

Although I hope tomorrow is my last day as a receptionist for the rest of my life, I learned SO MUCH about finding happiness while I was sending my cheese via smile to all those that walked in our door.

Honesty: I was probably still a pretty terrible receptionist. I was mildly depressed the whole time, and severely depressed sometimes, and I'm not really the best at putting on a fake smile. Some days, I had to just go home from work and crawl into bed because faking a smile was too exhausting for me to handle.

The kicker? I always tried. Sometimes I was great at it. Sometimes I'd not just PLASTER that fake smile, but like Krazy Glue it. It was NOT coming down. Those were always the days that I felt the best. About myself, about life, and most importantly, those are the days I felt the spirit in my life. Those were the days I could look in the mirror and see a glimmer of what other people and the Lord saw in me. I saw strength, courage, fight, and beauty. My fake smile would never last more than an hour or two because a real one would always replace it.

Ether 12:27, "And if men come unto me, I will show them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."

I have weaknesses. MANY of them. I'm entirely flawed, but I'm learning to accept it.

If someone would have told me 6 months ago that I would be alive and happy today, I'd have called them crazy. I was faced with challenges before, but I was sure my most recent one would be the death of me. At night, the pain could have killed me and I would have accepted it,willingly.

Somehow, after many fake smiles and lies about how great I feel and how strong I am, I'm alive. I'm happy. I'm excited about what my future holds, and I'm confident in myself. This is the first time in my short 22 years that I've been able to place all 4 of those statements in the same sentence honestly. Sometimes my past is still painful. It hurts to think someone can hurt me and not think twice, but in the same pain, I've found my strength. I've humbled myself, gotten to my knees, and begged for help.

I'm pleased to report; He lives. His sacrifice is here to save us all if we let it and He's reaching out to us all the time if we just have the faith to see it.