Friday, August 26, 2011

second time's a charm

Guess what?!?!?!
The best part about a divorce is getting to plan a second wedding. My parent's bank account probably disagrees, but that's a whole other battle.

To this day, I still only have two (three if you count the groom) regrets about my wedding reception.

1- The length of my dress. I think that my wedding was the only occasion I was going to be allowed even expected to wear a floor length dress, and I still went short. Although, I think I'm starting to think I might go short on the next one too...  Maybe because I think about this dress like it's my junior high crush:

Don't worry, I'm starting my pre-wedding diet now, and I haven't even found a groom. PLENTY of time.

2- The length of my reception. I really didn't feel like I had a chance to make my rounds! I had people tell me that I looked pretty or that the reception was awesome and I'm thinking, "Wait... you were there? I didn't see you..."

Other than that, I'm certain that my wedding was as perfect as I could have imagined it to be.

I know what you're all thinking... "Why is she planning a wedding that she isn't going to have for a while?"

Here's the answer: Because it makes me happy. :) Weddings, marriages, families, LOVE is just everything that we have to live for in this psycho world, so why not cling to it for dear life.

Marriage... Marriage is a funny thing. It's like an awesome mistake. I think everyone goes into marriage 100% unprepared for what it's really like. You can read all the books, date as long as you want, practice living together, and think you've covered all your bases... but until you say those silly little words, "I do," there's just no telling what you're up for!
For instance, you can remember to talk about kids; how many, names, how you want to raise them, what religion(if any) you'll raise them with, what to do when the first one comes to you at 10 years old wanting to know where babies come from... but you'll forget to talk about what you're going to do when your 16 year old wants to go to a party and you want to trust her, but you're terrified of the reality that she's only human and will suffer the same temptation that we all do.
You can remember to talk about money; budgets, where to put your savings, who's going to pay the bills... but you'll forget to talk about what you're going to do with the extra $600 dollars you have when you want to save it, and he really wants a new set of rims for his car.
All the while you'll be thinking to yourself, "What in blazes did I get myself into?"
Now to the awesome part of the mistake: Even though it's absolutely and totally insane, it's wonderfully beautiful. There is nothing more precious and sacred in this world than seeing a man and woman wholly and undyingly professing their love for each other... and meaning it.

I've learned SO MANY lessons, warranted or not, over the last year. Life lessons, love lessons, gospel lessons. Here's a few that stick out:

God is crazy. You may think you have him alllll figured out, but you don't. I remember receiving a pretty clear answer on the subject of my first marriage, and to this day I don't entirely understand it. I never looked back because I knew that Ben and I were going to create a loving, happy, LDS family. I stand by my decision to marry him and I always will. There are lesson's to be learned from this experience for both myself and Ben. I can only hope that we learn them the first time around so that we don't have to cause ourselves or other's any more pain than is necessary.

Free agency still applies. My wise, beautiful, and talented best friend Heidi taught me this lesson this week. Ben and I held each other's hands and promised to love each other no matter what and to take care of one another and to hold true to our promises. He chose not to. As much as a marriage is a sacred thing and divorce should be an absolute last resort, the great and unfortunate thing is that we still have free agency. And he exercised his right to make the choice to leave the marriage. It's not my fault, I couldn't have been better, I couldn't have made him stay if I did the dishes more often or ironed his shirts everyday for work. It was his choice, but also his right to make that choice. (Freaking hard to come to terms with that one.)

Never take love for granted. I don't just mean spousal love, although that's great too. I'm talking about all kinds of love.
I LOVE my steve madden shoes.
I LOVE how skinny my pencil skirt makes me feel.
I LOVE my mom.
I LOVE my best friends.
I LOVE the smell of coffee.
I LOVE babies.
I LOVE harry potter.
I LOVE to sing and dance when i'm alone.
In the face of great trials, don't forget the things that make you smile. And definitely don't take them for granted. Appreciate the heck out of them, because when scary things happen and there isn't anything in the world that could make you get out of bed... maybe your shoes will because they just make your feet look so sexy! :) And maybe, the only reason you get out of bed is because that stupid Yellow Card song you used to sing in high school came on your iPod and you literally couldn't stop yourself from dancing along while singing at the top of your lungs. Those are the things that will get you through those seriously tough days.

Love is painful, but if you're brave enough to fight for it even when it's let you down, I think that's when you see what a remarkable thing it is.

Welp, now that you've all got your Oprah in for the day, Go join Pinterest!!! and then find me and follow me so I can follow you back. :) I'm seriously obsessed and I stay up until like midnight ravaging through awesome pins. (i heart DIY's.)

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